Home Sick

Well, here I am in bed, sick. It's a bummer, because I was supposed to go to this training today and it is really good. Plus, I was supposed to have a karaoke night with some of my consumers tonight. However, I also think it is a good thing. Things have been crazy in my life with work and I think I needed a break. No phone, no crises or fires to put out. That's what my job feels like right now, I am more of a firefighter and crisis fixer. I was talking with my friend, Dawn, after our training session yesterday, and I told her one of the reasons I became a counselor was to help fix things for people. The problem? I can't fix everything and yet, I feel a huge sense of failure and inadequacy if I don't fix it. I feel a great deal of pressure to make some one's problems go away. Who do I think I am, God? Uh, no. The trainer yesterday spoke of how we can get a god complex. He's right. I believe I have to fix it; I have to make it better; I have to end the suffering. The reality is that my power is limited and we live in a fallen world where suffering is not always avoidable. I cannot fix everything. So, why do I still feel great anxiety when I can't? That is my dilemma. Perhaps, being sick has allowed me the time to reflect rather than continuing to survive and bulldoze my way through each day. I wish I could have been sick on another day rather than today, but it will all work out. My body is tired from the stress it has endured the last couple of weeks and continues to deal with (although at a lower level - Praise the Lord for that blessing).
Well, I have had my fill for writing right now. I am tired and need to sleep some more.

Summation of My Day

In one sentence, "The only predictable thing in life is that life is unpredictable."

Just For Fun - A to Z

[A] - AVAILABLE: YES!

[B] - BIRTHDAY: November 10

[C] - CRUSHING? I have no idea what this means!

[D] - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Coca-cola

[E] - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: Barb, Dawn, Lyndsey

[F] - FAVORITE MUSIC GROUP/BAND: I don't really have a favorite. I guess it would be Jars of Clay at the moment.

[G] - GUMMY BEARS OR WORMS: Bears (this is a silly one)

[H] - HOMETOWN: Holton, KS

[I] - INSTRUMENT(s): Flute and Piccolo

[J] - JUICE- Cranberry

[K] - KILLED SOMEONE: No

[L] - LONGEST CAR RIDE: Holton, KS to somewhere near Bemidji, MN

[M] - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Chocolate

[N] - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 3 sisters

[O] - ONE WISH: To Love God above all other things

[P] - PERSON WHO CALLED YOU LAST: Lorna, the RN I work with

[Q] - QUESTION YOU'LL ASK GOD WHEN YOU DIE: No questions, just praise.

[R] - REASONS TO SMILE: Jesus Christ

[S] - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: Hide by Joy Williams

[T] - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 7:45 am

[U] - UNDERWEAR: Today, light green

[V] - VEGETABLE(S): Asparagus, Okra, Tomato (I know, it's technically a fruit), Broccoli, Corn, Carrots, Potato, Brussel Sprouts (yes, I like them), spinich, greens, cucumbers, the list can go on

[W] - WORST HABIT: gritting or clicking my teeth

[X] - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: teeth, bladder

[Y] - YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL(s): CATS!!!!!

[Z] - ZODIAC SIGN: Scorpion

Sometimes I Want A Cave

Sometimes, I would like to retreat into a cave and leave the world behind. I have had an incredibly stressful two days. Besides the normal running around and huge amounts of paperwork, I had to deal with a couple of difficult situations. Why do things always seem to go wrong when I already feel overloaded? I had a training this week, which was good, but it created more work for me when I returned. YUCK!
Tonight, I am going to go karaoke with some of my consumers. It should be fun and a nice change of pace from the stresses some of my other consumers elicit from me. Tomorrow, I have private clients and then I hang out with my friend, Lyndsey. We are going to eat at this Italian restaurant in Loveland, called Monaco's. It should be fun. Sunday, I get to hang with my friend, Barb. Then, it's back to the old grind. I still like my job, I just wish it wasn't so overwhelming at times. I wish I had a better handle on things. I wish I had a better rhythm set up.

Another One, So Soon?

It is amazing, I know, 2 blogs in one week after such long lapses the past few months. Sometimes, I wonder if it is worth writing this. I mean, I mainly do this for my friends and family to keep up to date with my life, but I'm not sure anyone really reads it much anymore. I am feeling rather pitiful right now. I really want to go to sleep, but my stomach is having an acid reflux attack and I can't lay down or it will get worse. I have nothing to take, since I am away from home and in a hotel room. I have to get up in the morning and I am feeling extremely grumpy. I don't like it when I have plans for sleep and it gets interrupted. It makes me rather unbearable to be around.
The training I went today was good. Our trainer is very engaging and I am learning a lot. Sometimes, I get frustrated with the people at my table because they seem to make things harder than they are. I then have to check myself because I am getting prideful and judgmental.
I am ready to go home. I want my bed and my cats with the smells of my home. I am really very pathetic when I feel bad. I really shouldn't be writing right now, I am too negative. Perhaps later.

A Brief Trip

I can't believe how much time passes between my blogs. I guess I haven't been in the blogging mood lately. Right now, I am taking a break from packing. I am going to a three day training in Denver. I have mixed feelings. I am such a homebody, that I really hate being away from home. At the same time, I am also looking forward to going for a change of pace. I also get to hang out with Dawn for the three days, which will be awesome. It has been hectic packing. Yesterday, I was working on laundry, including giving all of my bedding a thorough wash. I was exhausted by last night, crawled into my freshly laundered bed, and my feet hit cold and wet. My cat had decided to pee all over my bed!!!! I was so ticked! I had to strip my bed and wash the whole thing all over again. I had to spray down my mattress with Petzyme and Febreeze and put the fan on it. Finally, I got to sleep on the couch last night. It took me forever to get my bed stuff all taken care of and I still had to finish laundry for my trip. The last load is drying now, but it means I have to skip my Sunday night church group. Oh well. I have to shut my kitties out of my room now. Agape does not do well when I am gone from home (hence the peeing). I feel bad, because my room is the most comforting place, but at the same time, I really don't want to come home to more messes on my bed and I'd like to not get a new mattress.
Right now, the little stinker is reclining on my legs. Do you think he is trying to say, "You are staying here and not going anywhere!" The hardest part of taking any trip for me is packing and then leaving. I get all uptight and emotional and dread the whole trip. I wish I didn't have to go. However, once I'm on the road for about 30 minutes to a hour, I am fine.
Well, I better finish my laundry and packing.

A New Entry...FINALLY!

I know, I know, I haven't written since the beginning of February. I have been so busy with my new job and I haven't felt like writing. No more late nights for me! By the time it hits 11:00 pm, I am almost passed out. I still struggle getting up in the morning, though. I have been working my other job too, but that is slowly fading out. Last week, I didn't have any private clients after work and it was so nice!
I am really enjoying my new job. It has been a little crazy making at times, but overall, I really like what I am doing.
I have other things going on in my life, but since this is a public blog, it is best not to mention them here. The people that need to know these things, know them, that is what is important.
I have my young professionals group tonight. It is called Insight and right now we are starting a series about men and women. It should be really interesting and fun.
I don't have a lot to say, but I figured I would blog somethings since it has been so long. :)