Cold

It is so cold outside! Brrrr! I wish I had a fireplace to sit in front of. Right now, I am fighting sleep for some reason. I really need to go to bed. I just thought I would write something for the sake of writing.
Here is a picture I took to help everyone feel warm and to help people look forward to spring.

Determined

First off, YEAH! I love it that people read my blog, it makes me happy. :)

Well, I got some work done today, thanks to my "boss" telling me to let our admin take all phone calls and not deal with the phone. I still have a ton to do, but having a day of solid work with few interruptions helped ease some of the anxiety I have been feeling. I feel more determination and hopefulness that I can put a significant dent into my ever increasing pile.

I don't have a lot of other things to say right now. It is late and I just got home about 1/2 hour ago. I'm feeling tired, too. Talk to you later!

Baby Fun!

Today, I got to help my friends, Dawn and Scott, paint their nursery. Dawn is 28 weeks pregnant and I have had the opportunity to journey with her in this chapter of her life. She had her 3-D ultrasound yesterday and it was so amazing. Their little boy looks precious and I can't wait to meet the little guy. Technology is amazing. Who would have thought you could actually get a decent picture of what that a baby will look like before the baby is born. I have two other people in my life that are also expecting around the same time as Dawn. My friend, Lyndsey had her 3-D done, too. Their little boy is also beautiful. My cousin, Lindsay is expecting a little girl. I am excited to meet these three precious individuals. All three are going to have amazing parents. I am blessed to have these families in my life.

P.S. You can find out more about Dawn and Lyndsey via the links to their family blogs.

Feeling Better

Okay, I feel a bit better now. At least, more relaxed. I've been researching prices to go on a trip. I am amazed at how inexpensive of a package I can get to visit England. I will have to figure out a way to save up so I can go. I even went online and filled out my passport renewal application. I've always wanted to go to England. Even if it is only a week in London, that would be amazing. I could always take other trips later. I don't think I could leave my bubbies alone for more than a week. There's so much to see in London that I think I would have to focus there first. Subsequent trips could be to other areas of England (Oxford, Cambridge, Bath, etc.). I also want to visit Ireland. Those are my main points of interest. It would be great to see Italy and France, but they are lower on my list. I also plan on visiting Poland in the future, since my friend, Iwona lives there. Poland was very pretty when I was there in the 90's.

Work has been extremely frustrating for me as of late. As if a person couldn't tell from previous blog entries. Don't get me wrong, I love my job at Good Shepherd and I can't imagine working anywhere else. However, there are current situations which make it difficult for me to complete what absolutely needs to get finished. The only way I could get everything done would be to work 80 hour weeks for the next month. I can't sustain that. It would burn me out too badly. If people would quit having crises or not be high maintenance, that would help. Actually, if everyone could leave me alone for 2 weeks, I could probably get things done. I don't want any visits, any phone calls., or any emails. If that was eliminated, I could actually get my paperwork part done and then, hopefully, keep up with the rest of the rat race.

I desperately need a vacation. I am worn out and need some quiet. I can' t afford to go anywhere, but that's okay. Honestly, what I would love to do would be to spend time with my friend, Barb, along with reading and studying. A trip to visit a couple of museums in Denver sounds nice, too. It would be nice to cook meals during the daytime that are leisurely and with a glass of wine. I have glorious images of sitting curled up with a good book and either a glass of wine or a pot of tea. SIGH. That sounds quite heavenly, actually. No deadlines, no appointments, do demands from people - that sounds just as nice as going to a tropical location or overseas.

Right now, I am enjoying listening to Norah Jones and drinking some Bailey's Irish Cream (just a little bit since it can go to my head pretty fast). I have a new book I can start reading, too. My friend, Barb, and I are going to work through the book together. It is by one of my old seminary professors, Dr. Bruce Demarest. It is called Satisfy Your Soul. It deals with building an authentic relationship with God. Here is what the back of the book reads:

"Find solid, biblical direction and personal insight as you join Dr. Bruce Demarest in his study of the life-long process of inner transformation. Discover with him the timeless spiritual guidance of the Christian classics essential to help us develop an authentic relationship with God today. Gain a balanced, biblical understanding of Christian practices such as silence, mediation, contemplation, journaling, and spiritual direction. Filled with resource listening, deep personal application questions, and Bruce's story of his own contemplative journey, discover the path of inner transformation that will lead you to know God as an intimate friend."

I hope it provides new insights and movement towards a deeper relationship with God. Well, here's to a quiet weekend.

Get Me Outta Here!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have had it! I am fed up! I want to disappear! There are certain people and circumstances in my life that I would like to erase right now. Words can't even convey my degree of frustration! I thought I could blog about it, but I find I am unable to. Maybe later.

Gravel on Hills

Have you ever tried to hike up or down a hill that is covered in loose gravel? It's hard because your footing is never secure. The ground is constantly shifting beneath you and progress is slow when going up and too fast when going down. This is how my life feels right now. I feel like when I try to go up, I'm not getting very far and when I try to go down the whole hill is coming down with me. I feel undone, loose, and out of control. I feel unstable. The key to getting up or down is to go very slowly. I can' t be impulsive or reckless even though that is what I feel like doing. I feel like unleashing all that is inside me onto others. However, if I did that, I would certainly have a bad result ending in lots of cuts and bruises, if not more serious injuries. I find my patience waning. I'm trying to go up but the progress is so slow and the gravel so loose that I can't get anywhere but slide backwards occasionally. Then I have people above coming down too fast and they are going to run me over and take me sliding down the hill with them. Any progress forward is completely undone and now I am bloody, bruised, sore, and stuck with listening to everyone else complain about how bloody, bruised, and sore they are.

Hmmm, it sounds rather hopeless when I look back at what I have written. It can't really be that hopeless, can it? Well, when it comes to work, it does feel that hopeless. The things I need to get done, I can't get done, because too many other things are rushing at me and pulling me down with them. OYE! Other areas of my life aren't too grounded either, but at least they aren't overwhelming like my job is right now. I do like my job, I just wish people would let me actually do it rather than coming up with more things for me to do which prevent me from completing the things I have to do. Do I really think I can handle more responsibility at work by applying for area manager? I can't manage what I do have.

I'm tired. I feel like I am coming down with a germ of some sort. I have no solution to my predicament so what is the use of complaining if it doesn't get me anywhere?

The only thing keeping me together is my dear Lord Jesus. I broke down earlier tonight and it was He who got me moving again. The thoughts in my head were screaming to do something completely irrational, but His voice was, thankfully, louder. Right now, it feels like He is the only thing keeping me from falling off the precipice. He is the only thing helping me hold onto my sanity. I realize that this all sounds so dramatic and neurotic. This is one of those times where it is hard to write down in words what I feel inside. The only way for it to cease sounding overly dramatic and neurotic is for a person to step inside me and feel what I am feeling. I don't like sounding dramatic or neurotic, but that is the space I am in at the moment.

Jesus be my tow rope on this slippery slope!

Life Changes

It has been a very long time since I really blogged. I didn't have my computer during the majority of the Christmas season and then I haven't felt inspired to write anything. My biggest news is that I now have diabetes. It has been about six weeks since I was diagnosed. I am fortunate that I don't have to take medicine yet, but it does require some major life changes. I'm doing okay with the transition, on the whole. I have periods where I still get angry that I have to deal with this. I miss just eating whatever I want, whenever I want. I get tired of pricking my finger and taking my blood sugar. At least, with some of these changes, there have been some positive things, too. I have been losing weight and that feels good. I know I have to go through stages of grief and that it will wax and wane. Today is just one of those days.