Ladybugs

Have you ever had one of those moments where God spoke to you in the most mundane of things? I did today. I realized that I had to return my videos back to Blockbuster today and I hadn't watched one of them yet. So I took time out this afternoon and watched it. I am now in love with the movie and want to buy it. It was the movie Under the Tuscan Sun with Diane Lang. There were many elements to this movie, but the part that really struck me was towards the end when Lang's character is told by her realtor that she got what she wanted when she bought the house. She had told him earlier in the film that she wanted the house to be home to a wedding and a family. She got both, but they were not what she imagined. It was as though God said to me, "I know the desires of your heart and I will give them to you, but you must be prepared that they may not happen as you see it or want it. They may not happen when you want it to." One of the characters told Lang that she needed to stop seeking what she couldn't have and live life where it was. When she did that, the things she was seeking for would find her (i.e. when you stop trying to find a ladybug and rest, eventually the ladybugs will find you and cover you up - you need to see the movie to really grasp this example). Again, it felt as though God were telling me to move on and live life to my fullest without thought of the things I desperately crave. As I live for Him, as I follow the things He has placed in my heart, the other desires of my heart will follow. I know I am not explaining the true depth and meaning that was given to me today. I only know that God used something as simple as a movie to paint me a picture of how he wants me to live life.
I feel like a part of me has stopped living because my life is not where I want it to be. I just get through each day with nothing to look forward to and no expectations that God will show up (as I see it in my desires and dreams). This movie reminded me that I can live and do the best that I can do at whatever I have been gifted with. I can find pleasure and satisfaction out of the the littlest things. I actually cooked dinner tonight and enjoyed it. It wasn't work, it was pouring myself into something that nourished not only me, but my cousin, whom I love. Eventually, I will find where God has answered the desires of my heart, but maybe in a way that I can't even imagine at the moment. I long for a husband and a family. Somehow and maybe not as I see it, God will provide for me in these areas.
The challenge now is finding what I am good at and using it to the maximum. My other challenge is finding a way to make a living that makes me feel like I am alive and I am serving a purpose. I don't want a job, I want something that makes me feel like I am being used to touch others in a special and unique way. God has a plan, I am sure of it.
Please watch Under the Tuscan Sun if you haven't already. I think this entry will make much more sense if you watch the movie. Lyndsey and Dawn, I know you will have no problems.
Keep plugging away even when it seems nothing makes sense, somehow, it will all come around in the end.