"An ongoing, passionate romance with our true Prince is the foundation for success in every other area of life."
This statement sounds nice and sweet. In truth it is the beginning of a difficult journey. What does an "ongoing, passionate romance with our true Prince" really look like? Well, what does this look like in earthly terms. Ongoing, means it doesn't have an end date in mind. It is a daily occurrence and happening constantly. A passionate romance, how many women melt at that thought? A passionate romance means feeling pursued, it means that the person you are in a relationship has your full attention and devotion. You would do anything for this person. You bear your soul and innermost being to this person. A passionate romance is what, at least in American terms, we consider love. Love should be sacrificial. Isn't that what God did for us? He sacrificed his life because he loved us and knew there was no other way for us to be reconciled to him. He pursues us and he treasures us. Here is the catch, we are adulterers. We have other lovers that vie for our attention and time. We are not fully committed to the "ongoing, passionate romance with our true Prince". This is where I start to struggle. This is how Leslie Ludy, author of the above mentioned book defines other lovers.
"Often they [other lovers] are the areas that we derive most of our confidence, security, and happiness from. They are the things we cling to most tightly, the things we can't imagine giving up or living without."
OUCH! Now, I am faced with a dilemma. Do I embrace and accept the life Jesus has offered me or do I cling onto those things that I believe give me happiness? I wish I could say, I want to give Jesus everything and I abandon all other lovers for him. That would be the kosher thing to say, but it would be empty if I said it for the sake of looking holy and righteous. The truth is, I am scared of letting go of my other lovers. I am afraid because I have a hard time grasping that Jesus really can provide me for me in a tangible way. I separate my physical and emotional from my spiritual, which isn't the correct way to think. They are intricately tied together. I have a mental block that tells me that what I seek now will never be found in this world through Jesus. Sure, it will be provided for in heaven, but this isn't a fulfilled Kingdom yet. So, if I can't completely surrender my life to Jesus and sacrifice my other lovers, my life is left unfulfilled and stagnant. God can still work in my life, but I cannot be truly empowered by the Spirit, because my allegiance is tied to other things. I have a choice to make. It is painful to me.
There I go again with my all or none thinking. In my head I am telling myself that I have to give up everything and give it up without ever wandering back. Perhaps, it is more realistic to let go of one area and then move my way up the ladder, to the one thing that ultimately takes all my time and energy. I am also struck with the dilemma of how to deal with work. It takes a great deal of my time and energy, to the point where I don't want to seek out God at all. I merely want to escape and zone out. It seems like any job does this to me, especially in the human services field that I am in. If I am unwilling to let go, my life will not be set apart. I will be a Christian, but living like everyone else in the world. This is how Ludy describes it...
" But my life on the inside was no different than the rest of the world - self-absorbed and stressed-out, disillusioned and depressed, watered-down and wounded, compromised and cowardly. My mind, heart, soul, thoughts, attitudes, habits, dreams, and desires were nothing like that of a lily-white princess."
If I want to be a princess worthy of my prince, I have to be lily-white. I have to be pure and get rid of all the other garbage. Sometimes, the amount of garbage is so overwhelming, I don't know where to start or how I will ever finish. Other times, what really is garbage, doesn't look like garbage to me. I don't recognize it for what it is. I remember praying to God the other day, "I know I am wallowing in filth and muck and I don't know why I continue to stay in this place. I just don't know how to get out". For some reason, I think I like the filth. How weird and disturbing.
Well, it is getting late and I have to be to work early in the morning. I am sure I will continue to be challenged in this area and it will be on my mind frequently.
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