Well, the fallen nature of the world has struck yet again. My allergies have been horrible on an incredibly beautiful day. I love to open up my house or be in my garden, but today the house stayed shut up and the AC on because I felt like keeling over from my allergies. By the time I got back from work (which involved a home visit in the Livermore area and a home visit in Fort Collins) my eyes were about to drive me mad. I finally broke down and bought some Benadryl. I got home, changed into my pajamas, washed my face, put in eye drops, took some Benadryl, and promptly took a nap. I feel much better now. No more itchy eyes or runny nose. My throat still hurts a little, but it's tolerable.
It's horrible not being able to enjoy the beauty and splendor of God's creation when all you want to do is scratch your eyes out. I was in the mountains today and the whole way up and back down, I didn't really enjoy the scenery since my eyes bugged me so much. I don't even know what makes me have an allergic reaction. I never had allergies until 10 years ago and then they just hit me and hit me hard.
I'm going to be outside part of tomorrow, too. Hopefully, my allergies aren't too bad or I may have to cut my excursion short. Thursday, my job is having an employee appreciation celebration at the Hudson Gardens. I've never been there and I hope itchy eyes and runny noses don't ruin the event for me. I love flowers and the immense variety that is out there. God certainly did create art all around for us to enjoy. I am so thankful he has given me an appreciation for these things.
Speaking of gardens, I planted seeds this weekend. I'm on a tighter budget this summer, so I had to do more seeds than actual plants for my garden. I planted Morning Glories (my all time favorite), Larkspur, Canterbury Bells, a fun and bizarre mixture of purple and green flowers, and zinnias. I still need to buy some plants, too. I need to get some herbs (basil and dill), some pansies for the front porch, gazanias, petunias, and maybe some violas. I also need to buy a trellis for my morning glories to climb. I did some rearranging in my yard, too. I have great plans for my garden, but it will have to come in spurts. Landscaping and plants are not cheap! My goal is to have some ferns, Lily of the Valley, and Bluebells in the shady part of the house where you leave the backdoor and then go into the garage. I want to have tulips and German Irises, too. I think I will ask my parents if they can dig up some of my grandma's irises so I can have a piece of her in my garden. Grandma's irises are a very strong and pleasant memory for me. I also want to plant some mums, so I have color in the fall. I have some seedum (I think that's what it's called) to buy for some empty spaces next to the ones already flourishing in my garden. Then I need to get some Rose of Sharon bushes and maybe a lilac hybrid (so it stays short) for the area in front of my deck. I need to re-finish the deck, but I feel hesitant to do it myself. One, I'm not sure how to do it well and two, last time I was around treated lumber, my throat started to swell shut (fun!). I don't know if I will have the same kind of reaction if I re-treat or re-stain the deck. Anyone know of any inexpensive service that would do this for me? Anyway, it's pretty obvious that I have big plans for my backyard. I want a lovely oasis where I can sit and read or just daydream.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Babies, Babies, Babies
Hooray! All the babies I was expecting to meet in the past couple of months have arrived. Lyndsey and John had little Jackson. He was born on March 14. Here are some pictures of me with Jackson and one with Lyndsey, Jackson, and me.
The next baby born was to Dawn and Scott. Austen entered the world on April 26. Here are some pictures of this cutie-pie and one with Austen, Dawn, and me.
Lastly, my cousin Lindsay and her husband, Eric had their little girl on May 9. Her name is Mira (pronounced Meera). I don't have as many pictures of her yet, since she hasn't been with us as long as Jackson and Austen. But here are a few of this precious girl.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Another Baby
Well, the last baby of my two month trio was born early this morning. My cousin, Lindsay, had a healthy little girl. She weighed in at 8 pounds and was 21 inches long. I got to hold her tonight and she is precious. I will post some pictures later on.
The other two babies recently born are doing well, as well as the new parents. It's funny, when I was showing pictures of Austen to my regional director he pinpointed one of me with Austen. He commented, "That's a picture of a mommy wanna a be." I have to agree with him. I would love to have the opportunity to experience pregnancy and raising a child. It is a thrilling prospect to me. Alas, I don't know if that is something in God's design for my life. Sometimes, it is really hard for me. I am blessed to have three people close to me with little ones. I can at least get a mommy fix and they have someone who is more than willing to help out when they need a break.
The other two babies recently born are doing well, as well as the new parents. It's funny, when I was showing pictures of Austen to my regional director he pinpointed one of me with Austen. He commented, "That's a picture of a mommy wanna a be." I have to agree with him. I would love to have the opportunity to experience pregnancy and raising a child. It is a thrilling prospect to me. Alas, I don't know if that is something in God's design for my life. Sometimes, it is really hard for me. I am blessed to have three people close to me with little ones. I can at least get a mommy fix and they have someone who is more than willing to help out when they need a break.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
New Baby!
I am so thrilled to announce the birth of Austen Scott Parker. He was born at 7:54 am on April 26, 2008. He weighed 7lbs, 5 oz. and was 19 inches long. While it took a while for him to decide to enter the world after his mom was initially induced, once he made the decision, he came quickly. Mom and baby are both healthy and doing well. Outside the sleep disruptions, the family is doing great! I have some pictures below of this new little guy.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Waiting for a Baby
Well, here I am 9:30 at night, writing from a hospital room. My friend, Dawn, is hoping to have her baby soon. They induced her earlier today, but things are still going pretty slow. I've almost been here for 12 hours, but the time has gone by very quickly. I'm surprised I don't feel more tired.
I feel very honored to be here with my friend. She could have easily called me after the baby was born or even when she just went to the hospital. Instead, she asked me to be here with her and her husband as they awaited the arrival of this new little one. I am very blessed to be a part of this and very blessed to have Dawn and Scott in my life.
I have been keeping myself busy by doing some work from my laptop and also playing with my games.
I am sure I will blog again to announce the arrival of this beautiful little boy!
I feel very honored to be here with my friend. She could have easily called me after the baby was born or even when she just went to the hospital. Instead, she asked me to be here with her and her husband as they awaited the arrival of this new little one. I am very blessed to be a part of this and very blessed to have Dawn and Scott in my life.
I have been keeping myself busy by doing some work from my laptop and also playing with my games.
I am sure I will blog again to announce the arrival of this beautiful little boy!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Back Again
Well, yes, it has been a long time since I last blogged. I just haven't been in the mood for writing lately. I go through spurts, I guess. Right now, I am dealing with the challenge of my cat suddenly deciding he wants to help me type. I love my boys, but they seem to think they rule the roost. Oh wait, they do, don't they? :)
I am enjoying the prospect of having three new babies to play with in the next couple of months. Lyndsey had her little guy, Jackson, earlier than planned. He is adorable and such a sweetie. Dawn is due any day and I can't wait to meet this little guy. My cousin, Lindsay, is due in the next couple of weeks, too. I am very excited!
Work has been going well. I always have tons to do, but the stress level is tolerable right now. HOORAY! Well, hopefully, I will feel like blogging again soon. SEE YA!
I am enjoying the prospect of having three new babies to play with in the next couple of months. Lyndsey had her little guy, Jackson, earlier than planned. He is adorable and such a sweetie. Dawn is due any day and I can't wait to meet this little guy. My cousin, Lindsay, is due in the next couple of weeks, too. I am very excited!
Work has been going well. I always have tons to do, but the stress level is tolerable right now. HOORAY! Well, hopefully, I will feel like blogging again soon. SEE YA!
Friday, February 15, 2008
Two Women
I now realize that I have issues with super needy people. I hate it when people expect me to hold their hand for every little thing. I just want to scream, "Figure it out!" I don't, because it wouldn't help anyone and I would feel bad afterwards. Super needy people drain me and suck me dry. They prevent me from getting done what I need to get done. They are almost co-dependent on me. YUCK! This was the part of therapy that would burn me out so fast. I am not your savior! Good grief, get a grip. I think one of the reasons I don't tolerate this well is due to the fact that I have to figure it out without someone holding my hand. Sure, I have people in my life who speak wisdom to me, but it's usually done out of response to a situation I am in rather than me pestering them with a load of questions. What about this? How does this work? Can you check on that? OYE! I also don't call them multiple times a day with questions. While I like to have control (don't most people) I don't have to know everything or be in complete control of every situation. I have a person in my life right now who does all of these things. She is about to drive me crazy.
Then I have another person in my life who has greatly disappointed me. I knew she could be bitter and slightly vindictive, but I never imagined her to be this bitter and vindictive. She has to always do a one up. She has always had issues with her family, but I didn't foresee her engaging in this type of behavior as a professional. She goes out of her way to be unpleasant and then lies to me about her behavior. She thinks the world owes her and anyone who ticks her off, she is going to punish, even if it means hurting the people she does care about who surround her. She has put me in a tight spot and I do resent it. I tell her about appropriate behaviors and she nods her head and agrees with me, but then she turns around and does the opposite. Why? Because her pride can't handle it. She can't "turn the other cheek". What ticks me off most of all is she professes to be a loving Christian. Right now, her behavior is anything but Christian. I want to say certain things to her, but a part of me is afraid to be the next target on her list.
These two women are a central part of my stress level right now. I want to love them, to like them, to be friends with them, but their behavior repels me. I am at the point where I want nothing to do with either of them. That does grieve me. However, I am at the point where keeping a close connection with these women is toxic to me. I can' t control or change their behavior and personality. I am withdrawing from them, mostly out of self-preservation, but also with the thought that they need to figure this out. I am not going to keep swooping in to smooth things over. I can't do this. They can't see that their behavior takes time away from other people who need me just as much. They only see themselves and that really ticks me off. I know we are all selfish at different times. I know we all have our personal agendas. When our agenda is so important that we don't think or care how it impacts those around us, what does that say about our character?
Whenever I write about the things that frustrate me, I always feel like I have to hold a mirror up to my face and see if I am guilty of the same thing. I don't think I am guilty of the same behaviors and attitudes of the two women mentioned above. But, do I become so selfish that I fail to see how I impact those I love? Does it impact the people I work with, go to church with, or talk with in casual conversation? I'm not sure. *SIGH* Sometimes, I wish I would stayed in biology and become an optometrist. At least I would be dealing with eyes more and less with the complexity of human relationships. But, NOOOO, I was fascinated by human relationships and wanted to see how they ticked. Guess, what, I still don't know, even after 2 degrees in the field. I don't think I ever will know. Sometimes, I want to quit and become a cosmologist (study of the universe for those who don't know).
Actually, what I want to do the most, I may never get a chance to do. I want to be a mom. I want to have a family. I want to home school my kids and have dinner ready for my husband when he gets home. I want to pour all of myself into my family. But alas, my family consists of two cats. I'm too tired from work to put myself out there. I am too emotionally drained to work at a new relationship. I am well into my mid-30's now and I feel my clock slowing down. I would love the experience of being pregnant, but I may not get the opportunity with my health issues on top of my age. I would be happy to adopt. I can't be a single parent. My personality deems that one thing must absorb me completely and I can't do a job and raise a child on my own. I would have to work extra hard to support myself and a child. That would take energy and time away from my child. I would be letting someone else raise her or him. Plus, I think it is important to have a mother and father in a family. If a single parent family can be avoided, I think it should be. Anyway, would I really be doing any child a favor by being gone half of the time just for the sake of saying I am a mom? Now that seems selfish.
God may still have a plan for me to become a wife and mother. I really don't know what He has planned. I do know I have to be content with what He has in mind for my life. He knows my heart and he knows my longing to have a family. He will help me fill that space somehow. I was listening to some sermons online earlier tonight and one of them talked about whether God was "big enough" in my life. At times, He is. Other times, He isn't. I would love it if I could surrender easily to Him. He is so great and powerful. Surrender isn't easy for me. Goodness, who is it easy for? Probably the people who have already struggled over the issue for years and finally figured it out, they are the only ones who deal with it better (although I am sure it is still hard to surrender, but not as hard).
Wow! I have been writing really long blogs lately. I guess I have a lot on my mind that I need to express. I don't know what it is about writing it down and sending it out into cyberspace that makes me feel better. It's almost as though I am releasing it and I don't feel like I am hanging and needing to express more. Does that make sense? Well, I should post now, before I find something else to talk about.
Then I have another person in my life who has greatly disappointed me. I knew she could be bitter and slightly vindictive, but I never imagined her to be this bitter and vindictive. She has to always do a one up. She has always had issues with her family, but I didn't foresee her engaging in this type of behavior as a professional. She goes out of her way to be unpleasant and then lies to me about her behavior. She thinks the world owes her and anyone who ticks her off, she is going to punish, even if it means hurting the people she does care about who surround her. She has put me in a tight spot and I do resent it. I tell her about appropriate behaviors and she nods her head and agrees with me, but then she turns around and does the opposite. Why? Because her pride can't handle it. She can't "turn the other cheek". What ticks me off most of all is she professes to be a loving Christian. Right now, her behavior is anything but Christian. I want to say certain things to her, but a part of me is afraid to be the next target on her list.
These two women are a central part of my stress level right now. I want to love them, to like them, to be friends with them, but their behavior repels me. I am at the point where I want nothing to do with either of them. That does grieve me. However, I am at the point where keeping a close connection with these women is toxic to me. I can' t control or change their behavior and personality. I am withdrawing from them, mostly out of self-preservation, but also with the thought that they need to figure this out. I am not going to keep swooping in to smooth things over. I can't do this. They can't see that their behavior takes time away from other people who need me just as much. They only see themselves and that really ticks me off. I know we are all selfish at different times. I know we all have our personal agendas. When our agenda is so important that we don't think or care how it impacts those around us, what does that say about our character?
Whenever I write about the things that frustrate me, I always feel like I have to hold a mirror up to my face and see if I am guilty of the same thing. I don't think I am guilty of the same behaviors and attitudes of the two women mentioned above. But, do I become so selfish that I fail to see how I impact those I love? Does it impact the people I work with, go to church with, or talk with in casual conversation? I'm not sure. *SIGH* Sometimes, I wish I would stayed in biology and become an optometrist. At least I would be dealing with eyes more and less with the complexity of human relationships. But, NOOOO, I was fascinated by human relationships and wanted to see how they ticked. Guess, what, I still don't know, even after 2 degrees in the field. I don't think I ever will know. Sometimes, I want to quit and become a cosmologist (study of the universe for those who don't know).
Actually, what I want to do the most, I may never get a chance to do. I want to be a mom. I want to have a family. I want to home school my kids and have dinner ready for my husband when he gets home. I want to pour all of myself into my family. But alas, my family consists of two cats. I'm too tired from work to put myself out there. I am too emotionally drained to work at a new relationship. I am well into my mid-30's now and I feel my clock slowing down. I would love the experience of being pregnant, but I may not get the opportunity with my health issues on top of my age. I would be happy to adopt. I can't be a single parent. My personality deems that one thing must absorb me completely and I can't do a job and raise a child on my own. I would have to work extra hard to support myself and a child. That would take energy and time away from my child. I would be letting someone else raise her or him. Plus, I think it is important to have a mother and father in a family. If a single parent family can be avoided, I think it should be. Anyway, would I really be doing any child a favor by being gone half of the time just for the sake of saying I am a mom? Now that seems selfish.
God may still have a plan for me to become a wife and mother. I really don't know what He has planned. I do know I have to be content with what He has in mind for my life. He knows my heart and he knows my longing to have a family. He will help me fill that space somehow. I was listening to some sermons online earlier tonight and one of them talked about whether God was "big enough" in my life. At times, He is. Other times, He isn't. I would love it if I could surrender easily to Him. He is so great and powerful. Surrender isn't easy for me. Goodness, who is it easy for? Probably the people who have already struggled over the issue for years and finally figured it out, they are the only ones who deal with it better (although I am sure it is still hard to surrender, but not as hard).
Wow! I have been writing really long blogs lately. I guess I have a lot on my mind that I need to express. I don't know what it is about writing it down and sending it out into cyberspace that makes me feel better. It's almost as though I am releasing it and I don't feel like I am hanging and needing to express more. Does that make sense? Well, I should post now, before I find something else to talk about.
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